I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
