idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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