I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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