dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
