um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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