You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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