Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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