She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
