Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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