If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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