K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
