Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
