looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
