Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i out mim tonsoeep
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
