Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
