she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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