its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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