I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
