I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
