Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
