Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
