Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
