You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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