Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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