My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my phone needs a breathalizer
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize