I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
