im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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