Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
