This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
