wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
