Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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