how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
