sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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