so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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