Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
