Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
