I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
