You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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