check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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