I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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