Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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