Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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