the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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