CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
