it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Randomize
