Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
