Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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