wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
