i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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