he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
