i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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