My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
