maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
