You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
