I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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