Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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