I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
