shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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