Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
