And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
