so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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