from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
