he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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