I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
